Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
