god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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