cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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