Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
