i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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