Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
