we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
