This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
