I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
