I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
