I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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