She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
