I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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