you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize