i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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