all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
