I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
