He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
