he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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