Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
