i already hear my dad disowning me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
