I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
