the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
