And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
