The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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