Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.