he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.