We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix