who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap