i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl