she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
