Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...