Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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