she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
