while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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