In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
