yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
