Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i will never coherently bang her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
