bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can you bring me the toilet please
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
