the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
