Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
