i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
