The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think your dad took our porno
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
