i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
