don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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