Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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