Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
