you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
