Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
