Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
