Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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