please come you make the beer taste better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
