Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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