Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We need a shit load of segways right now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
