her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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