Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
