I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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