I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
