Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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