I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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