I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
