Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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