i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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