she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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