So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
