Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
