Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
