what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
