wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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