i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
