Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
