Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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