i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
