they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
