When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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