The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And then my night got REAL pukey
They are going to name an STD after you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
