I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
