I haven't been this sober since birth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
