You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
