I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
