my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This house was built for laser tag.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
